The Bridge Of Suicidal
by Queen Amazing
Summary: AU. When life was getting the best of lonely Mikan Sakura, there was only one permanent solution for her temporary problem... SEQUEL IS NOW POSTED GUYS! R&R!


**Short Story- **_**The Bridge Of Suicidal **_

**The Bridge Of Suicidal **

**One-Shot  
>Inspiration: <strong>http : / youtu . be / vWGS2b3tP1c [ Delete spaces ]  
><strong>Dedication:<strong> To those who lost a beloved one from suicide or anyone who is thinking of committing.  
><strong>Genre:<strong> Angst, Hurt/Comfort  
><strong>Pairing:<strong> N/A  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Disclaimed.

**Updated Feb. 16, 2012: **I think I revised this story like three-five times already. Wow. I really suck big time. :P

"_Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."_

_-Phil Donahue _

_._

_._

_**Missed Calls (54):**_

_Imai Hotaru (19)_

_Umenomiya Anna (5)_

_Ogasawara Nonoko (2)_

_Tobita Yuu (1)_

_Ando Tsubasa (7)_

_Nogi Ruka (20)_

_**Unread Text Messages (8):**_

_From: _Imai Hotaru

_Message: _I've noticed your annoying presence isn't around. It's damn cold tonight. Where do you think you run off to at this time of the night?

_Date:_ February 13, 20XX

_Time:_ 9:15 P.M.

_.._

_From: _Imai Hotaru

_Message: _Answer your text message Baka.

_Date: _February 13, 20XX

_Time: _9:20 P.M.

_.._

_From: _Ogasawara Nonoko

_Message: _Mikan-chan! Where are you? You're missing out! x(

_Date: _February 13, 20XX

_Time: _10:03 P.M.

_.._

_From: _Umenomiya Anna

_Message: _Hey Mikan-chan! Did you go out? Hotaru-chan said you did half an hour ago. . . Anyways, if you're back, please stop by my room! I baked your fav, macadamia nut cookies! (:

_Date: _February 13, 20XX

_Time: _10:15 P.M.

_.._

_From: _Imai Hotaru

_Message:_ Okay . . It's already 10:17 P.M. Where are you? Seriously. Answer your damn phone, Mikan.

_Date: _February 13, 20XX

_Time: _10:17 P.M.

_.._

_From: _Ogasawara Nonoko

_Message: _You're freaking me out now, Mikan-chan.

_Date: _February 13, 20XX

_Time: _10:42 P.M.

_.._

_From:_ Nogi Ruka

_Message:_ Would you mind explaining to me why I found three of your friends, running around the hallways of our hotel, looking for you and calling out your name? Heard you're taking long to get back here. Sakura, what's wrong? Please tell me. If there's anything I can do to help... Just please text me back. I need to know that you're okay.

_Date:_ February 13, 20XX

_Time: _10:57 P.M.

_.._

_From: _Ando Tsubasa

_Message:_ Hey kiddo! Why are you taking so long to get back here? Where are you? And why aren't any of your friends answering any of my questions? Is there a surprise party for me, or something? Oooh Mikan! You're too kind! (:

_Date: _February 13, 20XX

_Time: _11:06 P.M.

_.._

_**Voice Messages (3): **_

_Sakura Mikan! What in the world were you hiding under your bed? 'How to deal with suicidal thoughts'? What is going on? Why do you have that thing? Mikan where are you? What are you planning to do? Mikan!_

_Beep!_

_Sakura-san. It's Ruka. Why aren't you back yet? Please call back. Text back._

_Beep! _

_Happy Valentine's day! Anna made cookies! It's really delicious. Have fun! Tobita._

_._

_._

_Breathe.._

Releasing the large amount of breath at once, I check the last text message I got, holding the tiny blackberry phone tightly as hot tears slowly, yet continuously stream down my cheeks. They all seemed so worried, as if they truly did care. It's just... all too late now. I've already decided what the best choice was and I made it clear to myself that I would keep my own word.

Call me insane. Crazy. Lunatic. Mental. Whatever.

I don't care anymore. I just don't want to _feel _the pain I have been suffering from any longer. No one can understand how difficult life has been for me, unless people had felt the same way I did, but who would actually dare to care, at all? Who would actually lend me the shoulder to cry on when I am on my most vulnerable state? Who would stop me when I try to talk negative? Nobody. Why? Because no one, other than myself, knows what I've been going through, and the feelings I've kept all to myself.

A batch of fresh hot tears tickled down my cheeks, making me gasp for air as I almost choke on my own sob. Why is life so difficult? I always knew I would encounter obstacles along the way, but I did not realize it would be this hard. I cannot do it anymore. I just can't. It's too much. Life's just too much for me to handle.

I thought I had it all wrapped around my finger. I thought as along as I am a good person, nothing bad would happen. Maybe this is fate, telling me that it is my time to leave. But what if I don't want to? Wait- I do. This is my decision I've been thinking about for a long time now. Nobody knows about this, they can't. Having a friend who is suicidal would freak them out. They wouldn't understand. Judgmental comments would be thrown at me, making it worse for my situation.

If someone can read my mind, I think they would be frightened by the mad thoughts swirling inside. Everything that I think about is negative. I admit that I scare myself. As a young child, the only thing I've always been thinking about is to live life to the fullest. But now, it is impossible. Life is dangerous for me, especially when I'm left alone. To society, I am probably one of the happiest persons alive, but that is a lie. In closed doors, my true self comes out. It all started as an experiment actually. One day, after crying for countless of hours inside my bathroom, I took a handful amount of pills and knocked myself out.

I tried taking rehabs and therapy during my free time, to see if professional doctors could actually help me with my problem but the results were always the same. They were futile and pointless. Money was wasted and efforts were lost. No matter whom I'd come to ask help from, nobody seemed to have the right answer.

I hate how I'm like this. I hate how the world revolves. I hate how nobody, not even anyone close to me know how hard life is for me. I hate how everybody sees my smiles, and assume that my life is perfect. Hey! Have you ever heard of the saying; _The happiest person alive live the saddest life_? I guess it's true, because my life is sad.

I guess I really am just insane….

Maybe this whole thing is stupid. Maybe I should just stop this before I do something I will regret. But honestly, what is there more to regret when my life will end anyway? People might get curious as to why I am planning to suicide. Personally, I always liked to keep everything to myself but now, I just want to let it all out. It all started the day I was born. My mom died after giving birth to me. After hearing this horrible news, my father was devastated. He didn't even want to hold me. Growing up, I was left alone without a mother, and with a father would barely paid any attention to me. He was around my life physically, giving me a roof over my head and food. However, it just didn't feel right. I have always known he hated me, for making the woman he loved die.

When I reached the age of fourteen, I left home and moved in with my uncle, who was the headmaster of Alice Academy where I met my friends. High school was harder than I thought. People come and go like cars in traffic. The people whom I thought were my friends never really were. I was backstabbed so many times. There were more secrets hidden than I thought. Sometimes, people don't mean any harm, but they do it anyways. In this world, you can never really trust anyone.

Nobody I knew never really saw this side of mine. The suicidal side. I've actually planned this for over a month. I've booked myself the perfect place to do this, at the Golden Gate. It is known to be one of the common place were suicide is taken place. With one last glance at my phone, I bluntly tossed it down the bridge and it splashed into the deep water.

I smile a bitter grin before carefully stepping onto the metal bar in front of me and push myself onto the railing that reach my waist. I could feel the cold, harsh breeze tingling my cheeks, making it feel rough as sand paper. Shivers sent down my spine, and I shake under my toes. The wind's harsh breeze made it worse. It was so cold and I am beginning to freeze to death. Maybe that isn't such a bad idea. If freezing can kill me, then it will be quicker than I thought.

Slowing closing my eyes shut, I look above me and feel the sun's ray on my eyelids. Despite the heavy wind, there is still a sun that gives off a warm light. I flutter my eyes open and see a bunch of birds flying across the blue sky. There are so many beautiful things up there. Like the clouds forming into different shapes, or scrapes of leaves being blown away by the wind. It a great sight to see. Too bad this is my last.

"So long everyone," I whisper without any emotion before letting go of the railing and swiftly lean over, closing my eyes again so that I did not have to see myself fall. I expect the heavy weight from my body to decrease, and that I'd feel like a feather, falling down the bridge. But there was nothing. I could still feel the cold, hard metal bars on my back.

W-What's happening?

Anger flare through my eyes as I instantly snap them open, turn swiftly around, only to see my shaking hands still wrap around the railing. They are white as a blank sheet of paper. I can see my veins popping out. It is really scaring me. Why wouldn't it let go? I could feel anxiety bubbling inside me as I roughly pull myself off of the railing and rub my forehead. I bite my lower lip to keep myself from screaming out of anger and fear.

What is happening to me? Why can I not make myself jump off of the bridge? All of my efforts to this are going straight to the trash if I don't do it soon. I've planned so long for this and I couldn't just not to do it. It takes a blink to realize that tears are rolling down from my eyes again. There are endless of them, streaming like a river flowing. I don't understand why I am still crying so hard. Isn't this what I want? To end my life?

Oh my god. I feel so broken. My mind is screaming so many words, but I cannot understand any of them. There are voices inside my head. Some are threatening, some are loud, and some, I cannot hear. But it is insane. I am such a coward. Why is life so hard to live yet death is so difficult to fulfill? I sniff harshly before rubbing my sore eyes with the tip of my thumb, forcing the unnecessary tears to stop. I cannot keep crying like this.

Taking a deep breath, I get up onto the metal bar again and steady myself to keep my balance. No more tears. It is just because of pressure. I am crying because of that one reason. Pressure. That is all. Nothing more. Biting my lower lip, I grip tightly onto the railing and sigh. "I can do this," I tell myself. "This is what I've always wanted. I can do this. I'm brave." Then I nod at nothing, consciously shaking my shoe off. When I get them off, I could feel the coolness of the metal bar against the sole of my foot.

Suddenly, my tummy grumble— not because of hunger, but because of fear and nervousness; my hands clench tightly onto the bars, as if it never want to let it go; my feet are starting to feel sore, as if I stood there for a million of years; and my entire mind is going dizzy, as if it is trying to stop me from doing what I am about to do next. But there is no turning back now. This is it. The moment I've been waiting for.

I gulp and bend down onto my knees, getting ready to dive in when a rough hand clamp onto my mine, stopping me from jumping. My eyes widen. I am so close! This close, but someone really just have to ruin it for me. Unbelievable! Why do they have to interfere? Can they not see? I do not want any saving. I want to die. Die!

"Stop!"

For a second, I feel my heart pound a million miles a minute while my ears perk up at the sound of his voice. I don't know why, but a cloud of fog is now covering my sight. I furrow my brows and reach for them with my hand. I gasp when I feel tiny wet buds of water. I am crying. . . again.

"Stop!" he repeat.

Hesitantly, I turn around, only to come face-to-face with Natsume Hyuuga, who is at least 3 inches taller than me. By the way he is panting down onto his knees, I can tell he ran his way here. As he glances up at me, a furious glare cross his eyes and his cheeks are red. They are red either from running or from anger. Or maybe even both. But the question is; how did he find out I was here?

"What the hell are you doing?" he barks after finally catching his breathing.

Still in shock, I cannot find myself to say anything and just stare at him with horrified eyes. Of all people, I never would have guessed that he would be the one to come here. Was he here to stop me from jumping? Maybe my other friends sent him to look for me.

"Answer me!"

I jump up by surprise at the sound of his harsh tone. My heart is rising while my face turn pale white. "Why. . . why are you here, Natsume!" I mumbled helplessly. I am really tired. My skin is crawling. It really wants to feel the water, cooling it down already.

"What you're doing right now is completely stupid. Just get back down. You're going to regret this," he says, obviously ignoring my question. I shake my head, trying to stay brave. No. No way would I do that. I cannot just back away now. I ignore the boy in front of me and turn back around. I take a large amount of air into my mouth and exhale them all out at once. I tighten my grip onto the railing before shrugging. "Do you even know what I've been going through? Suffering silently alone with nobody to help me?" I ask, still facing the water underneath me. As I expect, he did not respond. I shrug. "Thanks for caring anyways," I mumble under my breath. "You're the least person I expected to see here."

"Please. Mikan, don't," he pleads hopelessly, his voice straining with nervousness and desperation. Only if he just arrived sooner, then maybe he could've stopped me from jumping. But it is too late now. This is what fate wanted me to do. Nobody can stop me. Not even my past lover. The sound of splashing water and waves makes me feel more anxious. I gulp, tightening my grip.

My eyes slowly snap close and I clasp my hands together, praying to God. He will guide me to wherever I would go next. The afterlife. No matter what, I know I am never alone. God will be by my side, forever. The pain will go away once I jump down. Yeah. That's what I should be thinking about right now.

_The pain will go away. _

"I know what you're thinking. Don't! You don't want this!" he shouts, but I cannot seem to concentrate. The only thing inside my mind was that I am supposed to jump, and as if my mind had gone blank, I suddenly feel light-weighted. It is as if the burden on my shoulders just magically lifts itself away.

Rapidly, I can feel my entire body falling down into a slow motion— like in those action movies. Wait. . . am I really falling? I cannot tell, nor can I see my surroundings since my eyes are close the whole entire time when a sudden low shout catches my ears.

"Noooooo!"

Almost instantly, my eyes were open and see a hand, desperately trying to reach out for me, thinks that he'd be able to grab my wrist and save me— but cannot...

I smile a deep, watery grin that shows nothing but guilt and with three little words, I know it wounds his heart so much. I watch him trying to take his blue sweater and his shoes off but I simply just shake my head, telling him not to go after me, and he suddenly stop. There was nothing he could do but watch as I sink down into the deep blue ocean. My heart clench painfully as tears of regret fell from my hazel eyes. Of all people- why does he have to show up and try to stop me? The thought makes tears continue to fill my eyes. I try to reach out for his hand, hoping that he'd probably be able to grab it, but it is too late.

It is all too late.

"_I'm sorry, Natsume."_

.

.

No more revising. This is it.


End file.
